I've been thinking a lot about my childhood lately. I know that sounds odd coming from someone who is not even old enough to buy cigarettes, but its true none the less. Mostly i've been going over minuet details, those things that never seem important until you look back at them years later and see the Big picture. Things like how when my parents and i moved to Orange County (when i was 5) i had let go of my favorite toy (a dark brown teddy bear almost as big as i had been) long enough to help my mom unpack the new plates and glasses, how when i dropped and broke one of them i was so afraid of my mom that i ran into the walk in closet several rooms away, locked the door and cried for a good hour. Or the time when i learned the word 'adopted' and its meaning, how i spent months thinking before i asked if i had been adopted, and the odd disappointment i felt when shown my birth certificate. I remember my excitement at getting a BRAND NEW PlayStation for my birthday, and how i'd had trouble not crying when my mom told me that we couldn't afford it and returned it the next day. I also remember when i finally got a puppy, how happy i was, how i couldn't believe something i had dreamed of for so long had finally happened... that night i had nightmares because i knew i'd have to pay a price for something so wonderful.
All in all i cant say my childhood was a happy one, but it wasn't awful. I may not have had the best life so far, but it could have been a lot worse. Heck, i could have stayed dead when my heart stopped as a baby, or i could have been killed in the house fire, or in a car accident... But i wasn't, I'm still here, i have a purpose, even though i don't really know what it is.
I guess what i'm saying is that no matter what was in your past or what small mistakes you make along the way, you still mater, everyone matters, everyone has a future, the past has some affect on it but you dont have to make it the only factor.
Make your life stand out. Live as fully as you can. Don't let the past hold you back.
QOD: Do my crazy ramblings have an affect on you or are you just here for the free dose of crazy?
PINEAPPLES!
QOD (the crazies version): I like the taste of red letters made of 1s and 0s.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
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