"Love your neighbors as yourself"
The ultimate challenge is Love
It's always Love in the end
Do you believe in God's love for you?
That He LOVES you enough to sacrifice His Son
What about your neighbors?
Your enemies?
Can you Love?
Can you BE Loved?
Can you Love your enemies?
"Love your neighbors as yourself"
Love has always been a challenge
I have seen so much pain because of it...
My problem has never been with Loving my 'neighbors', in some ways, its worse
I have never Loved myself,
You could even say I have Hated myself.
But now i see that I CANNOT.
I cannot become close to God with self hate
God is Love
To be close to Him, or anyone really, I must Love myself
It is a hard fight.
I may not win each battle, but the war is mine
With God's help, and my friends', Love will win.
Im learning to Love myself as my neighbors.
QOD: thoughts? comments?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Thoughts on my depression
So i've been feeling more depressed lately, i'm putting it down to the fact that i have been sick lately. the problem is that i just spent half an hour mentaly going over my usual signs of getting dangerously depressed, as well as how i tend to handle it. Very badly as it turns out.
NOTICE: I tend to make sweets more when im getting dangerously depressed. The bulk of the time when i was hurting myself i made this horrifyingly sweet dish where i fried apples, bananas, graham crackers, and almonds in honey rather than oil, then i put it into a bowl and topped it with Nuttela. My theory is that this is my way of /slowly/ killing myself, or maybe it just makes for a good distraction...
Second notice: No worries, i haven't cut myself in at least a year, probably longer.
I remember the first time someone figured out i was cutting. It was maybe a month into 9th grade and very hot. At that time i cut myself on my left leg, just above the heel. I came into my 3rd period class (biology) and sat down, the guy next to me noticed something odd- i had a red stain on the back of my black and white fake converse. He didnt tell any adults, instead he gave me the nickname "Gothmo" (goth/emo.) I think i wish he had told someone instead.
I really wish i weren't depressed. im tired of it. i sometimes imagine it is like a cancer or parasite, growing and eating at me,sometimes hiding to give me false hope, causing me pain from the inside that i cant describe...
And i'm stuck arent i? It's a constant pain again, and the regular distractions arent helping... And my hands smell like vanilla extract even though i finished baking the cookies an hour ago.
QOD: eh...
NOTICE: I tend to make sweets more when im getting dangerously depressed. The bulk of the time when i was hurting myself i made this horrifyingly sweet dish where i fried apples, bananas, graham crackers, and almonds in honey rather than oil, then i put it into a bowl and topped it with Nuttela. My theory is that this is my way of /slowly/ killing myself, or maybe it just makes for a good distraction...
Second notice: No worries, i haven't cut myself in at least a year, probably longer.
I remember the first time someone figured out i was cutting. It was maybe a month into 9th grade and very hot. At that time i cut myself on my left leg, just above the heel. I came into my 3rd period class (biology) and sat down, the guy next to me noticed something odd- i had a red stain on the back of my black and white fake converse. He didnt tell any adults, instead he gave me the nickname "Gothmo" (goth/emo.) I think i wish he had told someone instead.
I really wish i weren't depressed. im tired of it. i sometimes imagine it is like a cancer or parasite, growing and eating at me,sometimes hiding to give me false hope, causing me pain from the inside that i cant describe...
And i'm stuck arent i? It's a constant pain again, and the regular distractions arent helping... And my hands smell like vanilla extract even though i finished baking the cookies an hour ago.
QOD: eh...
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