Fears (lots of rambling and silly stupidity on my part)

Most people with anxiety are said to fall into one of two central fear categories: Fear of Death and Fear of Humiliation. Fear of death has only been a problem for me once, during the period after i met my best friend but before i got saved, and i wasn't afraid to die because of myself, i just was afraid i'd die without getting a chance to say bye... As for fear of humiliation... i dont think i fit exactly into it... maybe im wrong :p
At the moment i'm writing this i can only think of two things I'm truly afraid of. The first is the people im close to dying before getting saved, and the second is losing my best friend.
I guess its obvious why im afraid of the first thing, i dont want anyone i care about going to hell... it scares me to think about what it means for them.

As for losing my best friend... Its not that i'm trying to be clingy or want him all to myself, i know better than to think that would be possible or a good idea. I just... love him so much, and i know our relationship will change over time, and im ok with that, as long as i can still think of him as my best friend, along with any other title he may or may not have some day. I am afraid he'll stop feeling for me as i know he does now, i'm ok with the changes to those emotions that comes with time, because they are still there that way, i just cant bare the thought of what we have now completely going away. Lately i end up thinking about that while we talk on the phone and before bed... I must admit i tend to end up crying, though its the quiet type of crying... i wonder if he notices...

I know the first fear is a lot more realistic than the second one as things stand right now, but its the second one that gets to me every night... Just goes to show that i can be pretty stupid sometimes.
Note: i had to stop a few times while writing this, i was crying to much :P
QOD: What's your fear?

How my mind works now part 1 of... no idea

Its funny how my brain works. I can spend the whole day feeling like there is no point to my existence, and generally being negative, but show me someone who feels the same or similar and I will spend hours giving them proof that they are wrong, and usually I can get them to admit im right. Here’s the thing though, these days I’ll end up proving the point to myself as well, so while I’m helping someone else I’m also helping myself, this is new. The reason for this change? I give my proof from the bible, so my proof HAS to apply to me too.
Its funny, the way my brain works has done a complete 180 at some point between a year ago and now. It used to be that I’d come out of a conversation in which I was trying to help someone and I’d be feeling worse than dirt, now I feel like I’m doing something right, like I’ve found what I’m supposed to do, and doing it makes me happy.
An example would be last night. I had had a mini break down and was feeling rather crappy. Then I started talking with a friend and found out that she was feeling a lot of negative things in relation to her relationship with God. She felt that she had gone astray and that this was far from the first time, and she felt that she had to hide her religion from others because she had a sense of being judged for it, at one point she said “I am Romeo, I have denounced my Father and renounced my name”. But the thing is she wanted to get back to God, she just felt unworthy, and that maybe she would be rejected after having rejected Him so many times. I told her that she is less of a Romeo and more like the Prodigal Son. I then went on to tell her the story and explain what it meant in relationship to her. I also addressed her feelings of being judged by others by reminding her of Luke 21:17-19, and gave her an example of myself, of how my own mother calls me ‘traitor’ for following Jesus. In the end she admitted that what I said made sense, and we both felt much better.