i am starting to think something is seriously wrong with the wiring in my brain. because just thinking about God sends me into a panic attack, or makes me depressed, or lonely, and its always accompanied by this pain... But i've been thinking more lately, through the pain and mental blocks and everything else. And sometimes... sometimes i feel like I'm on the brink of something, like if i take one more step the pain will go away. but other times thinking just makes things worse.So i'm still stuck, but now im trying to get unstuck... even though it hurts. its gotta be worth it in the end, right?
QOA: have you ever felt like this, or am i just that messed up?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
i'm not sure if i have felt physical pain from things like this
ReplyDeletebut i did have a religious awakening once...
like there was one piont about 8 years ago that i truely believed in god, but then a few years after that i found my own religion
and what u may b feeling is a lifetime of things ground into ur head
if u were told that believeing in god was bad then ur mind may b trying to stop u cause it thinks it's bad
keep fighting the pain and i think that one day the pain will stop and it will b alright
may i suggest solitude... god speaks in silence, if u learn to listen to the still nothingness then maybe u'll find god
trust me bud.. what she was taught is "good" and "bad" has no role in this...
ReplyDeletelike i said devi, the other day (i think friday where i'm at), it felt like God had my back and was looking out for me for the first time in a LONG time, though later in the day it seemed he couldn't give a shit or a half...
what struck me most, was that DESPITE feeling betrayed and abandoned yet again, the fact that i had felt how i did earlier was even still in my mind.. more so, the fact that it KEPT running through my mind....
must mean something, 'ey?
not too sure what's going on with this world, but bear in mind that you're most definitely not alone... and i don't just mean that we support you (which we most definitely do), but also that we're also going through damn near the exact same thing on this issue, and several others... everyone's difficult situations are different, but the odd and seemingly random variables of situations tend to be the same and nearly simultaneous.... you, me, steph, fro, etc.. from rough times during relationships, family issues, stress/depression, and even sometimes breakthroughs in religion and/or superstition (where applicable)....
same with unexplainable emotions and social situations...