the past two days have been extremely unpleasant. The constant panic attacks and the emotional turmoil have not been easy to deal with, especially when you add in sleep deprivation, sickness, and my parents. The panic attacks are what started it all though. The first one on Sunday was the worst EVER. It felt like i was dying, and i confess, my thoughts were the wrong ones. To add to that it made me think (when i had calmed down) of my very first panic attack, which happened on my 15th birthday, at 2am on a cruise ship. That was my worst panic attack up until now. And the way i dealt with it was by giving in and drinking half a bottle of champagne later that day. That was a mistake. It was a very bad mistake, and i hope to never make it again. the problem is, these past two days it has felt like a particularly violent battle was going on inside me. half of me was being tempted to make another mistake... and the other half was saying 'no. its not going to happen. temptation WILL NOT win. not this time' and i gotta say, it /hurts/, but its worth it in the end.
I just finished watching yet another podcast... only to find that i cant answer the pastor's question. (what is the idol in your heart?) and im left wondering, is it because i dont have one, or are there too many of them to name, and if either is the case... what does /that/ mean? And what should i do?
Q: any ideas?
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hmm....
ReplyDeletewell first of all... it sucks that ur having really bad panic attacks
and i really hate not being online to try to help as much as i can :(
but in anycase i'm glad that ur not making bad chioces
but if u need anything... even if u think i wont help anything, still, let me know if anything is going wrong for u... i want u to b happy all the time (or at very least as much as possible) and so if nothing else drop me a line on fb and jus say "i'm not doing good... (blah, blah, blah)" and as soon as i can i'll do whatever i can to try to cheer u up :)
saddly this whole "accually try in school" thing takes a shit ton of time :(
but ya,,, let me know as soon as u start o feel like it might and i'll staret trying to make u feel better :)
nothing means more to me than my friends being happy...
and if i want my friends to b happy, how much more good can i hope for someone i consider a best friend, like u?
i'll give u a hint... the answer is "an infanant amount more"
:D