Dear Mama,
The first thing i have to remind you is that no matter what, i love you, its programed into me to love you. You have given me plenty of THINGS over the years as a way of showing you care. And im grateful, really, i just wish that you had used other methods.
I will admit you rarely hit me, not hard anyway. And you never 'neglected' me, but you did hurt, do hurt me, and will probably continue to do so in years to come. I doubt you even know you are doing it. You just have a temper and I tend to be the target, not of fists or thrown objects, no in some ways much worse, im the target of your emotions, of your voice, of your depression (which you either claim doesnt exist or blame my father and i for.) I cannot predict you, one minute everything seems fine, and the next im struggling to not cry as you lash out with those words. Stupid, useless, lazy, slow, ugly... so many more, many of which i refuse to even try to translate into this language. I've tried to calm you down, or walk away until you cooled off, but that always made things worse. I hope you realise now, I wont stand for it a minute longer than i must. which is another reason this new year will be great. I am moving out, as soon as im legaly able. I know where im going, i have a plan, i will visit you and papa, i just cant live with you, not under the same roof, or in the same town, or even this state, i need to get away. I hope that one day you will understand and forgive me for it.
Love,
Hanna
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there's not much for me to comment on except the overall reasons behind writing this, or what i assume the reason is
ReplyDeletewritingto get stuff out is the best thing u can do for ur self
it has all the good of /telling/ ppl, and none of the harm of telling /ppl/
i hopw that it all wotrks out for u
indeed... he/she/it has a point. notice how i type up my little rants and raves on fb and tagged (soon here too probably, depending on how much i'm required to sensor)...
ReplyDeletealso, i was/am the same way with my mother... before i shipped to bootcamp, we got into it ALL the time.. and every time i was on leave between training (or home for the weekends at MOS school), it was one fight after another... now, i'm in butt-fuck nowhere japan, and we get along great (most of the time) talking on the phone on occasion, in limited doses.... i guess my point is, you can fight fight fight, then move out, and there may be some turbulence at first, but for those that think like we do, we get along with parents better with distance.... i would NOT be able to handle moving back in with my mom under ANY circumstances... she's my mom, and i love her as such.... but it really is just better to see her a few times a year rather than every day (in my case).....
also, remember what i said.. if i'm home when you move out, i'll (as will mac and a few others if i ask) help ya move everything "home" if needed... otherwise, i can try to arrange help if needed if i'm not able to be home by then....
just MAKE SURE you have a place arranged BEFORE moving everything to "home," otherwise ya might have a hell of a time with everything....
lol,, last post i was a stalker and this one i'm a he a she and an it.... i'm not sure if thats an upgrade or not :)
ReplyDeletelol
of course i'll help u move
weather u have a place or not
i'd prefer a vehical tho...
it's one hell of a long walk to there to get that stuff
lol